When ya know you a badass b****, but also kinda maybe want to be cuddled too.

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I am strong.
I am fierce.
I know what I’m worth.
I’ve overcome.
I am self-reliant.
I am proud of who I am.

If you come into my space and threaten that, I won’t hesitate to show you the door.

If you come into my space and threaten my independence, I will gladly carry on my life without you.

No I do not need you to carry my bags. I got this. I am strong.

You may have expected other girls to pine after you, to cry, to say they need you. Don’t expect that from me.

I am fierce.

You have no power over me.

No I do not want you to pay for my dinner. I run a business. I make my own money. I got this. I am self-reliant.

You don’t need to tell me I’m pretty. I know what I am. I don’t need your validation.

Harden. Harden. Harden.

(Courtney Durr 2014-2017).

 

After getting my heart broken and relying on a man’s attention and love too many times, I said ENOUGH. I subconsciously put a strong independent wall around my heart and pursued a life of SMASHING GOALS LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER. I was relentless, no one could slow me down. And to be honest, those were some of the best years of my life. Much needed years to discover what I was capable of and truly how worthy I was. However, in the process, I hardened. Even though my heart was whispering “let love in”, I was too busy being a boss ass b**** to hear. Letting love in was not purely about romance and finding a partner, my heart needed softness. It needed to flow and breathe and cry and create and desire. My heart needed to surrender to life and all of it’s uncertainties. 

We all have masculine and feminine energy within us, both men and women. Masculine energy rules the left brain, it’s logical, it’s doing, risking, decisive, and rushes the process. Feminine energy rules the right brain, it’s feeling, being, compassionate, receptive, and nurturing. Hopefully that makes it clear to understand that we have both and why it’s important to embrace.

Let’s set the record straight.

You can know your self-worth and still desire love and affection.
You can be strong and still cry.
You can be fierce and still have your favourite place be in somebody’s arms.
You can be self-reliant and still allow yourself to be protected.
You can not put up with anyone’s shit and still admit when you’re wrong and sorry.
You can be powerful and still share your weaknesses.
You can be a CEO and be playful.
You can be sexy and cute.
You can be independent and still let people in.
You can be assertive and still let someone carry your bags for you.

You don’t always need to be fighting and resisting and putting on a brave face. Allow all parts of yourself space to be. There are times when being assertive is essential and then there are times when compassion and softness is required. It won’t be easy and you won’t find certainty, but it will be worth it and you will find connection – with yourself and others. 

Courtney Durr